16wks - scan booked, and belly is growing.

My little Bun, at 16wks:

It's so hard, being pregnant. Not only are you forced to everyday wade through the quagmire of information and advice out there, sifting through and trying to work out what's rubbish and what's useful - you also have to cope with your own anxieties and fears, and work out what's you being paranoid, and what's something that might actually be worth getting investigated.

For me, it's been the size of my growing tummy. In the mornings my tummy, when I'm lying down, is quit literally as flat as it ever was, with nary even the tiniest of bumps to see. It's only when I stand up that a little bump appears, and then usually that bump continues to get bigger throughout the day, culminating in the largest bump immediately after eating dinner. So I'm constantly telling myself that my bump *isn't* big enough, isn't developing properly, and Ben actually had to stop me approaching another  woman in the supermarket today (who was obviously pregnant, with a bump about the same size as mine) so I could ask her how far along she was! "What if she's not pregnant and there's something wrong with her!" he hissed. "Better to be safe than sorry."

I have my first meeting with a midwife on Monday, which is really exciting. She's coming to our home, which worries me a bit, as I'm not used to inviting strangers in! I don't entertain often as it is, I much prefer to go to other's houses and see them there. So hopefully it all goes to plan - I haven't spoken to her much, and don't know a lot about her, but she is going to use the doppler on me and hopefully we'll pick something up! I also assume she'll palpate my uterus and check its development as well. Not sure about that aspect, as I've heard it's quite uncomfortable, but anything to allay my belly-growing fears, I suppose.

And our 18-20wk Morphology Scan is booked in on the 15th Feb. This is one we have always planned to have, just this one though. Can't wait, though I'm also apprehensive about it, as we haven't seen bubs yet and this is the first chance we'll have to check that everything is growing properly and on-track in terms of physical development. We'll also be finding out the sex, but keeping it a secret from family and friends - we're eager to find out oursevles but don't want to end up with a cache of blue or pink items - I'd much rather whites and other basics. We'll buy a few gender-specific outfits ourselves.

Oh, and also - we're off to Malaysia in 8wks! Holy moly! Still working out the passports and getting the bookings all confirmed (though it's paid for). Ben has a 3 day chocolate course, during which I'll be wandering about in Times Square, Kuala Lumpur's biggest shopping mall with 900+ shops. Then we have three days together afterwards. We're staying in a hotel directly above it, so I should be pretty safe, and I've bought two long-sleeved button-up cotton tops, to fit in with Malaysia's clothing etiquette (the less skin shown, the better).

14wks, 2 days

Yes, oops, I haven't updated for a while!

What to tell...

We still don't have a midwife booked. Not yet, anyway. It's so difficult trying to work out how we will pay for one, as well as our trip to Malaysia in 8wks which unfortunately (or fortunately) was brought about before we fell pregnant.

We've bought three bibs, three suits and three singlets. That's all so far, as who ants to jinx anything? ;) Although we are 14 weeks, 2 days we haven't yet had an ultrasound or heard baby's heartbeat. The main reason we haven't had an ultrasound yet is because of unproven yet rife research around which examines the effects of ultrasound on developing foetuses, particularly in the early stages. One report I found a few days ago (and of course I have completely lost it now) said that babies of women who own dopplers (foetal heart monitors) at home, which use similar yet more concentrated sound waves than ultrasound, are 30% more likely to have uterine defects at birth. Not sure whether that's true or not, but I guess the point is that we don't yet fully understand the effects that ultrasound has on developing babies. No one can conclusively say that "ultrasounds in pregnancy DO NOT increase risks of cancer in later life" or "DO NOT increase the risk of developing alzheimers disease" etc., as no long term studies have been done. They can't have been, because ultrasound on babies has only been in common use for pregnancies for the last 30 or so years.
So we made a decision to only have the 18-20wk morphology scan, which will be in about a month or so. How thrilling..!!! I have to admit I do feel a little lost, not having seen my babe and not feeling reassured that everything is going fine in there. However that's MY selfishness at play - me seeing that baby is fine through an ultrasound does nothing for the baby, it only serves to placate ME (and then possibly damage baby). So I've chosen not to be selfish and inflict *possibly* damaging US on my baby. It will all be worth it in the long run, though.

What else? Hmmm. Oh - we did almost move to QLD - twice! Ben was offered two jobs and each turned out to be dodgy, so we declined both (not without being $600 out of pocket flying him up for an interview, and hours worth of stress on my behalf working out the logistics of moving up there). I think we're stuck down here for now, thank god, as it was becoming too stressful. I've told Ben he can re-visit the possibility now *after* the baby is born, though after finding out it'll cost us about $5000 for the moving truck alone, I'm suddenly not as keen...

I will have to post up a pic. Here's me at 12 weeks. I haven't changed a lot since that one, though I feel like I have filled out a little more.

7wks, 4days - The family knows.

oo much to talk about! That's what happens when you let life get in the way :)

Got my blood test results back - along with a whopping $245 bill (what the hell?). My hcg count at 6wks was 27, 230! Hurrah. Blood type O+ (same as hubby), no syphillus, hep c or b (obviously) and apparently I have no rubella immunity. Meh. All else was absolutely perfect!!

So, we've told our parents and families. And we posted out cards to close relatives last Monday, but have yet received little response, which is a bit sad. Some relatives have rung our parents to congratulate THEM, but neglected to call us. How does that work?? I have to say I'm not terribly surprised, but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed. However I'm going to choose to stay in my "happy bubble" and let it go. These are the cards we sent out, front and back:

My bump is starting to firm up a bit now, and my work pants are getting a bit tight! They were tight in the first place, however now are starting to hurt. I told my work manager about the pregnancy today, as she was harassing me for ducking out the back to sip on my water bottle. I had to explain that I was pregnant, and that causes dehydration! She seemed excited but we didn't get much of a chance to talk about it, and will talk more tomorrow. I felt uncomfortable telling her, as I felt pressured into it.

 Geez, I just look like I've been overeating and packed on the chub. I haven't eaten anything more than I normally do (a struggle, seeing as I am constantly hungry, yet strangely not hard as Morning Sickness has kicked in!) -- so I blame the baby!


Hmm, what else? Oh, the move to QLD is become more of a possibility, and is really rather exciting! I love QLD, and everything about it. We've talked about moving up there before I hit 5-6mths - otherwise, we'll be bunkering down and birthing here. Not our first preference, but by that point I will need to have organised my midwife and will probably be nesting, so we won't be moving past that point.

First GP appointment - what a joke!

 (This is from a week ago but I forgot to post it! So it's from 5wks, 2 days.)

Had my first GP appointment this morning. Really, what did I expect? I'm ever the eternal optimist, I suppose...

Basically I got drilled that I:

- MUST have a blood test (he told me it was "NON-negotiable!" WTF)
- MUST get the HCN1 vax "because if I catch swine flu the foetus will die"
- MUST book in for the Downs scan
- MUST not touch my cats for 9mths "because I'll catch toxoplasmosis and the foetus will die"
- MUST organised shared care with an Ob through the hospital
- MUST get over my fear of needles because 'the first thing they'll do when you arrive at the hospital in labour is stick an IV in you'


Looooovely! What an ALARMIST he was, and so increidbly obsessed with the 'system'. Not only did he not mention a THING about midwives, he didn't even give me homebirth as an option! I was furious the whole appointment but keep my cool, appearing to 'agree' to everything he said, just hoping he'd just give me a referral for the 20wk scan, (which is all we want) so I could get the hell out of there. No such luck. The sooner I get my midwife organised the better, me thinks! I'll have to take her back with me to get the scan referral. I'm not paying $50 per 10mins to have to sit there and justify myself for an hour.

Anyway the only thing he said to me that concerned me (out of all the bullshit) was that a blood test was important to check a) my thyroid function, b) check that I'm not carrying toxoplasmosis, and c) find out my blood type (I don't know it yet).

I really *don't* want to get bloods done. I feel it's unnecessary. But those are all really important things, right? I don't know what to do... hmm. Would I know if I had a dodgy thyroid??

Anyway, vent over. What an awful experience. So glad I am **INFORMED** and wasn't taken in by all his crap and "..or else the foetus will die" warnings.

Midwife says no. 6wks, 1 day.

6wks, 1 day.

First up: awful news.

We were ready to book a midiwife, and she's now spoken to me last night and said that she and the other local middies (there are only a handful) have all had a meeting and decided *NOT* to take on any new clients (who are due from July 1st onwards) until they know what is going on with the proposed legislation that MAY see homebirth become illegal in Australia from July next year onwards. I am due July 11th :( Nooooo!!

Friend April Bevin says she may be able to get me in with a midwife who will help out anyway, but her fees are right at the top end of the scale at $5000. We're in some fair debt at the moment and I am super-reluctant to take on any more (I don't even know if it would be possible!), so not sure if that is an option or not. However if it comes down to $5000 vs. giving birth in the local hospital, I think I know which I'd choose...!

It is just AWFUL. I could not believe my ears. The Australian government is in shambles!!! And to have a midwife tell me she can't take me on, and nor will any of the other local midwives, almost had me in tears on the phone.

So, back to regular pregnancy news. I am 6 weeks, and not only has the morning sickness started two days ago (I'm getting mild nausea at nighttime) - I think I have also started to get a bump. I look a bit 'bloated', like I've overeaten. Usually I would wake up with a washboard-flat stomach, and sometimes it expands a little during the day as I eat etc. but now I am waking up with a pudgy tummy. I think it's basically from my uterus thickening but still, a bump all the same!

Compare pic from 4 wks to pic at 6wks (today's):




Can you see the slight swelling?? Ben can see it too, it's actually making me really self-concious, I just feel as though I look chubby, ha ha! I keep trying to "suck it in" but it doesn't quite work.

I'm getting my first blood test today. I'm quite nervous, especially because I *won't* be getting the EMLA (numbing) patch. I rang to ask about it and the blood-lady told me, "Sure, you can have the EMLA patch, but you'll have to come an hour earlier because it takes 60mins for it to work" -- I thought, I can't possibly sit there hyperventilating for an hour beforehand..! I'll probably pass out.

ETA: A friend has just told me I can buy an EMLA patch from the chemist! Righto then, off I go!

5wks, 1 day. Midwife worries.

So - 5wks, 1 day, and still not a symptom in sight!

Unless you count *increased* energy levels (huh....? I'm having 5-6hrs sleep per night and waking up totally energised!) and having diarrhoea each morning. Ouch. That could just be down to spending the weekend up at the Highland Flight though, so I'm not counting that.

Desperate to go up and meet the midwife I like the sound of (Sheila Vaughan in Wollongong) but without yet the means to pay her fee of $3,600, I'm holding off. Of course she offers a 'payment system', where the full amount must be paid off before 36wks, however even 36 payments of $100 each is way beyond us at this stage. We will have to try to work something out, even if it means going into more debt (in the past I would have said over my dead body...). It's incredibly frustrating.

Telling work is an issue, too. I'd rather tell them sooner than later, because I often have to carry heavy racks of bread and bend over often. However being only casual, they're likely to simply cut my shifts on the spot - I only get 16hrs per week as it is - and we simply can't afford for that to happen. It is upsetting that I can't tell them and thus have to try to avoid carrying the heavy pallets of bread (which makes me look lazy) and any heavy duty work when I am there, but this will become increasingly more difficult with time.

Diarrhoea - eek.

Lucky me! Woke up with a nasty bout of diarrhoea this morning. I often get it around the time of my period but this was severe enough to wake me and drag me to the toilet at 6am.

My uterus is cramping in exactly the same way it does when my period is imminent; however there are funny niggles here and there throughout my abdomen which feel almost like stitch pain. Yesterday I the cramping was quite noticeable on my left side of my uterus. Maybe that's the implantation site?

This is my tummy this morning, at 3wks, 5 days. I have no visible swelling at all yet.